It’s Monday and I have the blues.
I haven’t worked on my manuscript in months and it is driving me mad!
Mad at myself, that is.
Last August, I took a whole month of blogging with the intention of getting my manuscript finished. But we all know how that turned out. I got sucked into the void of never-ending work (also known as my day job), among other things. The other things being family, martial arts classes, writing group duties—and the anthology (which is now finished and awaiting release. Yay!).
September came and went, and aside from the 5 chapters I had revised for the Working Writers Retreat, I managed to rewrite only 4 chapters.
Now October is halfway done and I’ve only managed one measly chapter. One!
I mean I have an excuse, of course. I’ve been busy putting the final touches on our CBW-LA anthology’s publication, preparing for my Brown 1 belt test (which was last Saturday), helping out family members with various tasks, trying to cut down the amount of paperwork at my day job—AND—I’ve been applying for new jobs.
The latter is what’s been keeping me preoccupied lately. Ideally I’d love to just stay home and write, but that just isn’t possible. The thing is, I’ve been working at the same company for 6 years and the lack of benefits has finally gotten to me. I’m getting older and not having insurance isn’t a good thing, plus my pay isn’t all that competitive.
The one thing I love about my current job is that I have time to work on my own writing as long as I’ve finished my tasks for the day. And I’m afraid that’s all going to go away once I find a new place to work. I have a feeling I’m going to be even busier, and I won’t have the flexibility of my current job.
I’m deathly afraid my writing career is just going to go down the drain once I start a new job. I’m fairly sure I won’t have the time to write at all. But I can’t afford to stay at my current workplace any longer because of the lack of benefits, and the hit on my finances.
I’m at a crossroads, and I fear I’m leaning toward the more practical approach to life. It saddens me that I have to sacrifice my writing time just to have a decent way of life. But survival always comes first and creative endeavors usually take the back seat in practical world.
Or does it?
The thing is, if you love something passionately enough, you never ever give up on it. You will find time to write at the expense of hunger or sleep or personal hygiene, the same way you will always make time for the ones you love.
This is what I tell myself over and over. I will find ways to keep on writing, despite the lack of time or energy because I should never abandon the things that make me happy and whole; because writing is my soul’s purpose; and because a life without writing isn’t a life at all.
I guess that’s why I’m mad at myself. Because I am not treating my writing with the love and respect it deserves.
And now that I’ve made myself aware of this terrible flaw, I will find a way to correct it. Busy or tired, I will make time to write. Because if I don’t, I’ll go crazy. Or be incredibly depressed. Either way, I am not going to love the kind of person I become without writing.
So cheer me on, wish me luck and keep me in your prayers, and I will do the same for you.
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